~*sObEr LiViNg*~

It’s possible! I have a 0% urge to get high.

Whoaaaaa, I never thought I’d see tha day.

Don’t lose touch with the real world. Dope’s fun, but don’t forget that you’re on drugs, and that shit affects your head. It’s not to be confused with reality.

Just from someone who knows it better than anyone else.

I love my dog. All he ever wants is to party nonstop and to have me throw the ball. He does cool tricks. He’s racist, and that makes me lol. He looks like a bear and has the fur of a calico cat. He’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen. I talk about him like he’s a child. I’m a freak.

Agh, conflicting work schedules. I’m getting off when you’re going to work, and I’m going to sleep when you’re getting off. I’m getting tummy nerves thinking about it. Stress. Am I doomed to a three-hour-a-night sleep schedule for the next eight weeks? Servers and people with “real” jobs don’t mix, and now I’m seeing it from the other side. I feel no reason to turn my dead phone on, because nearly everyone I associate with will be getting off work by the time I lay my weary head to rest. Don’t you cry no more?

The first day of work was cool, but it felt a lot like the first day of a Calhoun Community College class. Except we didn’t go home after the syllabus was passed out, and I’m making ridiculous money to sit around and hear people witness to me about how Comcast saved them from eternal fire, brimstone, and damnation. I sat next to one of the sassy black girls, which btw, is about 80% of my class of 30, made accidental eye contact with one of the three white dudes in my class, and he instantly moved over to the seat next to me. He then proceeded to ask me rather personal questions about my dating life. Luckily, the computer wasn’t working, so I decided to sit by myself on the back row.

“Break” is the greatest word ever to a smoker. My fellow smokers were directed to the designated smoking area, where I found out who would be my new best friends. Oh, smoking. What a social activity. A time to vent and de-stress together. A time to bond. One fellow wasn’t smoking, so I offered him a cigarette. He declined, but I guess he liked the gesture, because he felt the urge to move from the front of the class to the back to sit by me. Wonderful. The gaydar was definitely going off. I love gay dudes, and I was fucking stoked to have acquired such a find.

My gaydar appears to be rusty. No, not gay, just from Brooklyn, loud as hell, and most definitely socially unacceptable. This is the type of person you specifically warned me about - creepers. This may seem like the first day of school, but no, Dane Cook, being loud does not make you funny. (What ever happened to that douchebag anyway? I literally had to scour my brain to remember his name. This is a big “fuck you” to all of those dumbasses who quoted him in high school. He turned out to be unmemorable.)

I found my eyelids getting heavy all day, and this can’t be happening. Please adjust, silly one. You would be foolish to lose this job. Think of the fucking free Internet and cable!!

I also found it funny that almost all of the people in my class were college graduates. Not just associate’s bullshit degrees, but fucking bachelor’s degrees. Grad school degrees. Masters. In computer science. In degrees that are supposed to make you money. I’m feeling like someone in HR fucked up by hiring me, but I’m also questioning why I would go back to school when I have the same job as someone with a fucking nice ass degree.

Suck on these uneducated balls.

Valium, goodnight. I’m trembling with excitement to see how tomorrow pans out.

Wish list for new paychecks

I’ll be making about $1500 a month, which might not sound impressive to anyone, but it’s more than I’ve ever made. And then after eight weeks, my pay will raise to about $2000.

First off, I’d like to go ahead and pay off the rest of my rent, so that I can just be done with that. ~$1000

Tanning package. I know it’s bad for you, but looking pasty and sickly isn’t what I’m into. I need to be able to go outside without bursting into flames. ~$30/month

Clothes acceptable for work. ~$350/month

Get my hair and eyebrows back under control. ~$125/month

Healthy nails and toenails. Mani/pedi on the reg. ~$120/month

Start eating right again. Not that I don’t have an incredibly healthy diet, I just don’t have money for groceries. I’ve been great about no sodas! ~$200/month

I need some great facial moisturizers, and it’s never too early to start working towards preventing wrinkles. ~$100

I want to invest in a crystal wrap, because I’ve been learning about the healing powers of crystals. I’m interested in seeing if I actually feel a difference. The one I want is around $500.

Clothes not acceptable for work. I want to have more than one pair of jeans that I love. Also shoes. Shoes. Shoes. $250/month

I’d like to get my car completely fixed up and deep cleaned. This will be an ongoing thing I’d like to keep up. I’m guessing that’s going to cost quite a lot, haha. ~$3000, maybe more.

Furniture. Things that I love and can keep forever. I’m not even going to put a price here, haha.

Travel! Festivals!! Once again, going to wing it here. Not sure how flexible my schedule can be.

I know that sounds like a lot of spending, and I doubt I’ll actually be spending that much money, but I wanted to shoot for the maximum of how expensive I thought things might be. I’d also like to save up a lot of money for when I move. Decorating! Ahh! I’m incredibly excited. I start Monday!

What also starts is a new workout routine I’ve been planning. I’d like to start waking up at 5am to go running for an hour and a half a day before work and see if it makes a difference in my overall energy level throughout the next eight weeks. I’d like to change a lot about my health, both internal and external, let’s just hope that I can actually stick to plan! Best believe I’ll keep a log.

This might not make sense to you, but try to wrap your head around it. You deserve this, but it’s not going to last forever like you think it will. This is what karma is. You cheat on, lie to, and fuck with people, and eventually no one will want to be around you.

You sound the way I felt back when you pretty much shit on whatever small amount of confidence I had in high school. The tiny glimmering amount of satisfaction that I receive from you finally getting what you deserve is smothered by the fact that I can relate to depression, and I feel bad for you. Let’s get through this. I want to help you.

You know how the most confident people in the world are those fat bitches who wear too much makeup? It doesn’t make them beautiful, but you couldn’t convince them of that. The more you think you’re worthless, a piece of shit, ugly, whatever, that affects your happiness. This is why you don’t leave the house. You’re a wonderful person. This might sound lame, but believe in yourself. Be a better person. Live. Say yes to everything. Breathe fresh air. Go see a show. Meet everyone you can. Find out what the fuck life is supposed to be about through experiences. Get away.

You have nothing to lose, but you have everything to gain. The most satisfying thing is proving them wrong and saying “yo, fuck da haterrz, I don’t care because I’m not only happy, but I’m living my life the way I want to live it.” I will be so proud of you. Let’s laugh. Let’s travel. Let’s show love and light.